In my conversations with my mentees and colleagues, the one thing which has consistently stood out and what matters most is feeling respected by management and by your peers. In my experience, it has been a force multiplier in building strong relationships. This week, we'll be talking specifically about respect.
This is the Practicing Leader Podcast. Bhargava, and let's discuss.
Let's go ahead and jump right in, and let's talk about respect itself. When someone is being shown respect, It is easily recognizable by that individual. The funny thing is, the counter is not true. If someone is experiencing being respected, That's something that could be taken for granted. Someone who respects, this actually shows up with those that actually receive respect automatically.
Think of like your manager or your boss. They'll not have whether or not they're being respected top of mind because they have role based authority which grants them some level of respect by default. This is why practicing leaders have to remember to maintain perspective on what it's like to not receive respect.
The bigger the time difference, the harder it is to remember what it was like when you didn't receive respect. This is why we need to be deliberate in maintaining perspective. If we forget, no matter what our intent is, our behavior may not hit the mark. There are fundamentally two different types of respect that we experience in the wild.
One is inherent, and the second is earned. When inherent respect is observed, it appears like all members are feeling like they've been included. They've been, they've been engaged. People are willing, willing to share information freely. Without this type of respect, what we'll find is that the feeling of belonging cannot be possible.
When inherent respect is missing, you'll be able to observe incivility and or commoditization of individuals. Meaning, oh, I can't just get anyone to do that for me. On the other side, we've got earned respect. And this can be observed when someone displays capability or behaviors that are valued. You can often see this when they're experts in the field or someone that's done exemplary work.
When this type of respect is missing, you'll see folks that are taking credit for other people's work or behaviors that are less than palatable. There is a delicate balance between these types of respect. You have to make sure that we're emphasizing certain behaviors in order to get the right results.
If inherent respect is overly emphasized, meaning we're going to treat everyone with utmost respect and everyone's going to be treated equally, people could then begin asking, what is the benefit of, of individual excellence if no matter what I do, there's nothing additionally afforded to me for doing that extra work, if everyone's going to get the same treatment, I'm not saying be disrespectful to people, but it's a matter of being able to show distinction and differentiation.
Conversely, if only earned respect is emphasized, you get the counter behavior of overly competitive, Teams working against one another's interest rather than working together collaboratively. As an example, if teams are not sharing information or they are putting high bars for engaging, this might be pointing to a more competitive environment over a more collaborative one.
In a sales organization, this might be a value to attribute because you're looking for high competition in order to drive Individuals to meet higher quota and higher goals. However, in a traditional information worker environment, that may only be considered counterproductive. The real goal is to value both and de emphasize the negative behaviors that are attributed to both.
In some of the conversations that I've had with mentees, what I found is that people's perception of self is inextricably tied to how they are viewed. At work and that respect they do or do not receive creates a powerful feedback loop, which can influence day to day interactions. I personally know when I respect is missing from an interaction, it can take a toll.
This toll is called out in the book, which I've previously referenced in previous podcasts, Crucial Conversations. And to paraphrase that book a little bit here, respect is like air. When it's there, no one gives a care. But if it's missing, connections start weakening. And this is where we look at it and we start seeing.
When respect is missing from the equation, the relationship just continues to deteriorate over time. And this ends up being a constant push and pull between who actually has the power in the relationship, which is really counterproductive. What do you do? How do you show respect and be able to value the people around you?
Let's go through a couple of different ideas and concepts that I've used to help make sure that I'm valuing the people around me. When you're a practicing leader, it is too easy to diminish someone for asking questions or even not acknowledge individuals you work with. Make an active effort to engage fully and show everyone the level of respect that you feel you are owed, and you should be providing that to other others in return, and consider that if your role or even personal status is afford you some level of respect.
That there's a privilege that's actually tied to that, and you should not take that for granted because it will have a negative influence on those you interact with. And this ties to, in the previous podcast, what I referred to as basic rules that I follow in conversation. Please, thank you, you're welcome, how can I help you, I don't know, and I'm sorry.
These are just fundamental things that I go through and just make sure that I'm using on a day to day basis to make sure that I'm both being polite as well as engaging with others and treating everyone as equals. Next, be ready to show respect wherever you are at. As practicing leaders, our behavior shapes the environment and gives cues to our peers and subordinates.
Whatever behavior you exhibit will be exhibited by everyone around you because if you do it, it must be okay for me to do it as well. This means the more you delegate important things and ask for advice of others, the higher chance others around you will do the same. Conversely, the more that you berate others in public, the more that you actually put others down, the more likely that they will do it to others as well.
Next, respect has a compounding effect. The behavior which you exhibit will be mirrored by others. This is what I just talked about. It will not stop within your organization. It will, it will be how your people interact with your partners and with your customers. This is why it's critical your behavior is what you want others to model.
You're just one person, but the multiplicative effect of your entire organization acting the exact same way you are could result in really, really bad results or really, really great results. It's completely up to you. Next, there is no limit to how much respect you can give. Don't fall into the fallacy of there's only a limited amount of respect I can give to somebody, so therefore I can only parcel out this small amount because I have to save some more for some other time.
Share it without concern as if there'll be none left for anybody else. The idea that respect can only be afforded so many times before a quote unquote runs out is a fallacy. When people do great work, show them the earned respect they are due. Every time you interact with someone, show them the inherent respect.
Next, there is always time to show respect. I'm just going to pause right there and just let that sink in in a busy world that we live in with all the things that are going on. There is nothing more important than showing your colleagues, your peers, your customers, clients, whomever, showing them the respect that is due to them in the same respect that you expect of them.
You providing it is going to be the starting point. No matter the circumstance showing respect to others is a worthwhile investment of time being there for someone listening and affirming that they did a great job will eventually be a time saver the time lost due to people feeling like they were not respected has a multiplicative effect back to our compound our compounding effect.
Undoing the damage to the underlying culture of an organization is a magnitude's harder problem to solve than just focusing time to be able to provide respect on a day to day basis, on an interaction by interaction basis, and doing it consistently. And last, be sincere. People will see respect without sincerity for what it is.
It'll be seen transparently as empty words. And if you're not honest and sincere with the respect you are conveying, this will create a counter cycle and can be perceived as disrespectful instead. So, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. We went ahead and talked about what kind of respects that there are, both inherent as well as earned.
And we talked about some ideas and concepts that you could use to try to apply how you think about respect and then how do you deliver respect unto others. Making sure that you're treating others the way you want to be treated. Making sure that you're showing respect no matter where you're at.
Understanding that respect is a, has a compounding effect as well as making sure that you understand there is no limit to how much respect you can show to others. And then finally, being as sincere as you possibly can, whatever you have in conversation with individuals.
